The Power of Mentoring and Connection
As I reflect on this question I am encouraged to share some of the aspects of the way mentoring works and what it brings to the mentee. Having a mentor to support our journey whether it is career-related, business or generally about life, is invaluable. In particular, being on the receiving end of that special spark that just a listening ear might give rise to, can reveal new insights in a flash and give us a new perspective or solution.
This is where I believe the pure magic and true power of mentoring resides. Fortunately, that type of spark is often provided by people, and mentors who care enough to listen and make it happen. Being able to listen with attention, without judgment and without joining in with our own emotions, is essential to great mentoring. Effective listening many mentors will agree is the number one mentoring skill. When effective listening occurs, the mentee can look at their issue through a different lens by articulating it; they might be able to sort things out and perhaps see a new solution. And almost always they will feel better from the emotional release and relief after talking their issue out with a trusted partner.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
The Power of Connection
Without connection, trust and rapport between mentor and mentee there is little confidence and reduced communication. With connection and rapport, a harmonious and meaningful relationship can start to form which will create a great basis for a mutually beneficial relationship.
But how does it all start?
The Alchemy Meeting
The first step in the relationship is what is called the “alchemy meeting”. During this meeting, the mentor will aim to establish a good rapport by getting to know the mentee, their background and vice versa, open up about their own journey. etc. At this stage, finding common ground, shared experiences and being empathetic are key to developing the lines of communication.
The “Dance”
Once the relationship is established and both mentor and mentee feel they are a good match for each other, how they work together from now on is seen as “a dance” between mentor and mentee. How the dance works is based on mirroring, which is how we can mirror someone else’s body language, expressions and all the nonverbal cues. So the key role of the mentor at this point is to be an active listener and notice all the things that the mentee is saying verbally and nonverbally.
The tip of the iceberg
We all have our own “icebergs” made with our stories, backgrounds, values and beliefs. Some of them are visible, some are not. For a mentoring relationship to be effective the understanding and knowledge have to go deeper than the surface. We often have to look at what lies beneath the visible part of the iceberg. And that applies to our own iceberg as well as the other person’s.
The non-visible part of the iceberg is where our beliefs and the way we make decisions are ingrained. That can be a result of many factors, our unique journey, culture, upbringing, education, parents and other key people’s influence, on our lives. Being aware of that part of the iceberg and understanding ourselves is knowing what is getting in the way of our success.
Conversely guiding the mentee towards change and their goals has to encompass the process of inviting them to look at their own beliefs and see what could be getting into their way of success.
Photo by Jean-Philippe Delberghe on Unsplash
I hope that by now you will have gained a little insight into how mentoring works, why connection is essential, and how it can help us on our journey.
If you have not had a mentor before why don't you start looking for one? There are many avenues available, currently, the government-funded Help To Grow programme offers mentoring. There are others via support programs for entrepreneurs and businesses in your local area.
If you have been on the receiving end why not consider giving back and mentoring someone? Currently, The Santander Breakthrough Women Business Leaders' Mentoring Programme is open for mentor applications.
I have personally been on the receiving end of mentoring with an amazing mentor & career coach that I approached via Allbright. I have had many insights revealed, guidance, clarity and increased confidence from working with her one-on-one, which has made me a fervent advocate of mentoring.
Photographer & Small Business Network Host
Tooting, South West London